good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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