Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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