Fuck appropriateness.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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