I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
