you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
it glows. i had to have it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
