Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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