My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize