watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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