"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
