How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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