My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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