I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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