I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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