is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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