My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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