I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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