I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
