u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
