remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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