Can Purell be used as lube?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
