I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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