Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
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You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
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But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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