I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
