I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
