I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
