You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The cops high fived after they tackled you
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
