did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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