remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
