I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
