Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Randomize
