omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
