I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
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Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
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While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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