Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
