The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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