Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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