im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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