GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
