your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
