Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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