I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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