Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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