I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
