i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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