No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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