I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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