everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
