I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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