You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
