I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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