This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
