All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
