Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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