I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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