Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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