he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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