You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
