I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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