Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
