well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
