I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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