I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
