Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
