You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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