Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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