I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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