1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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