I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
