Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
