Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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