I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
