Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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