She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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