Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize