Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
